Tuesday, May 20, 2003

WASHINGTON (AP) -- John Walker Lindh, the so-called "American Taliban" was summarily executed at dawn today on the South Lawn of the White House.
Lindh, who reportedly offered to plead guilty in exchange for leniency, was not granted a final meal nor a chance to speak with his bereaved parents before facing the firing squad. He was offered a cigarette, but being a devote Muslim, he refused it. He was shot an estimated 51 times, and then Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld tied his body to the back of a Humvee and dragged it around the National Mall for a couple of hours.
"Today is a good day for freedom," said newly appointed President-For-Life George W. Bush, after personally firing the first shot. His shot was followed by rounds from the guns of Attorney General John Ashcroft and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice.
Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle was not invited to the execution. It is rumored he will face his own firing squad tomorrow, as will Noam Chamosky, Ramsey Clark, Angela Davis, Stanley Fish, Tom Hayden, Norman Mailer, Ralph Nader, Edward Said, Susan Sontag and Howard Zinn, along with the entire cast of Warblogger Watch.
Just before the execution, Bush signed the executive order making him, in effect, America's new dictator. The order disbanded Congress and the Supreme Court, suspended press freedoms, made Fundamentalist Christianity the official religion of the new Federal Christian Republican of America, and in a sop to his father, outlawed broccoli.
"This is the final, logical conclusion to the slippery slope I initiated on Sept. 11," Bush told his press aides, who immediately rushed his pearly words of wisdom to the news wires. "I have achieved the goals I set out to do."

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